Deconstructing Attention
How to train focus
We often tell kids to "pay attention," but what does that really mean? Attention isn’t one single skill—it’s a system made up of different parts that work together. And once you understand how it works, you can help your child train it, like a muscle.
The Three Spotlights of Attention (Jha, 2021)
Imagine your child’s mind as a stage, lit by three different spotlights:
The Flashlight
This is focused attention: narrow, precise, and goal-oriented. Like when your child locks in on a puzzle or zeroes in on a math problem. This spotlight helps them stay with one idea, listen fully, or reflect inwardly.
The Floodlight
This is wide awareness. It picks up the whole scene, nonverbal cues in conversation, tone shifts, or subtle changes in the environment. It’s how kids stay aware of the social and emotional context around them.
The Juggler
This is executive attention, the manager that helps shift, prioritize, and guide attention toward goals. It keeps the flashlight and floodlight working together, deciding what matters now and what can wait.
When one part struggles, like when the juggler drops the ball in ADHD, the whole show can feel out of sync. But here's the good news: attention can be trained.
Lowering Cognitive Load
In order to focus, kids need to free up space in working memory. That means closing open loops, unfinished tasks.
Picture the mind like a busy kitchen. Each task is a ticket on the order line. The more open loops, the harder it is to concentrate. When kids write things down, complete simple tasks, or simplify their space, they close those loops and focus gets easier.
Leaving tasks unfinished clutters mental space. This is known as the Zeigarnik effect: the brain holds onto what’s incomplete. But the moment you write it down or check it off, the mind releases it. That’s cognitive relief and it improves learning.
Bold Action: Lighten the Load
Two-Minute Tackle
My rule for myself: If something takes less than two minutes (and I’m not in the middle of focus time) do it right away. Kids can handle quick tasks instead of stockpiling them.
Idea Offload
If a thought pops up while focusing, I write it down. I keep a designated spot for these thoughts, like a whiteboard or notebook. That way, it’s not forgotten, but it also doesn’t hijack the moment.
Mindfulness for Focus
Attention improves with practice. And mindfulness is the gym for your child’s attention muscle.
Try this two-part practice in a quiet environment (Jha, 2021):
1. Floodlight
Ask your child to name what they see, hear, smell, feel. This builds wide awareness.
2. Flashlight
Then, guide them to focus only on their breath. Just a few minutes. If the mind wanders, they gently return.
The point is not to stop thoughts, but to notice and redirect back to the focus. That’s the juggler at work.
Bold Action: Mini-Mindfulness
Check the Flashlight
Ask: “Where is your focus right now?” This builds self-awareness.
Spot the Floodlight
Encourage replay: “What were you picking up in the room? Did you miss anything subtle?”
Watch the Juggler
Build meta-awareness by asking, “What helped you stay on track? What made it hard?”
These moments build the habit of observing attention, not just using it.
Boredom and Recovery
Focus doesn’t live in endless activity. It thrives when paired with breaks, quiet, and even boredom. Recovery fuels attention. Boredom creates space for creativity. We’ll explore more of this when we dig into flow, but for now, know this: the brain needs time off to work well.
From Overwhelm to Order
Jessica, age 11, was working on a research project about beavers. At first, she bounced between books, browser tabs, and her writing, until she hit a wall of overwhelm.
After a break, she came back with a new approach: one book at a time. She took notes by hand, made a few sketches, even recorded her thoughts out loud. Later, she used those notes to outline her essay. No more spinning in circles. Just steady, focused progress, one small step at a time.
That’s how you move from chaos to clarity.
Final Bold Action
Focus Fortress
Help your child track distractions. When are they interrupted? What pulls them away? Keep a tally for one day. Then, look for patterns and make a plan to eliminate just one of them.
Attention isn’t a single thing. It’s a system. One we can support, refine, and grow, spotlight by spotlight.
A complete list of references is available on the homepage.
