Quieting the Voices
Strategies for positive self-talk; Part three of three
BOLD Idea: Knowing a handful of strategies
can help you work positively with your child’s self-talk.
Why It Matters: Self-talk patterns often continue into adulthood.
Please Comment: Try out one of the strategies below and let us know how it goes.
Effective Strategies for Quieting Negative Self-Talk
Here are research-based strategies from Kross (2021) to help manage and quiet your internal cynic:
Pursue Amazement: Redirect your attention from negative thoughts to awe-inspiring moments or experiences. This could be anything from appreciating the intricate design of a leaf to witnessing a powerful theatrical performance. These experiences pull you from self-immersion and reduce the brain activity associated with negative self-talk.
Seek Out Actionable Empathy: Instead of seeking general support that could lead to co-rumination, look for actionable empathy. This means finding people who understand and validate your feelings and offer practical advice and solutions that focus on positive outcomes.
Adopt a New Perspective: Sometimes, the best way to manage negative self-talk is by changing your perspective:
Think of Problems as Projects: Viewing challenges as opportunities to grow and develop skills can transform your mindset from one of threat to one of engagement and motivation.
Cultivate Honest Optimism: Replace discouraging thoughts with realistic, hopeful ones. For instance, if you face rejection, remind yourself, "Many successful people faced early rejections. I will continue to improve and try again."
Compare Your Present to the Past: Remind yourself of challenges you've overcome (i.e., reference points). This comparison can foster a sense of resilience and capability.
Imagine Your Future: Consider how you will view your current situation from a future standpoint. This broader perspective can reduce the immediacy of negative emotions and foster hope.
Shift Pronouns: Try speaking to yourself in the second or third person to gain psychological distance from your emotions. This can help reduce the intensity of negative feelings.
Example: Consider a situation where your child received negative feedback on a school assignment. Help your child talk through the feedback in their mind.
Problem as a Project (Using Second-Person Pronouns):
Tell yourself, "You have several areas to grow. Focusing on these will improve your skills and allow you to excel in what you enjoy."
Comparing Present to Past (Using Third-Person Pronouns):
Reflect, "Last semester, she started rocky too. She managed to improve there, so she can also do it here."
Imagining the Future (Using Second-Person Pronouns):
Encourage yourself, "The disappointment from this feedback will pass, and then you'll be able to use what you've learned to ace your next project."
Write and Reflect: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process and manage your negative self-talk. Keeping a journal allows you to explore your internal dialogue and slowly shift it towards more constructive and supportive messaging.
Write down your negative self-talk and critically evaluate each statement. Ask yourself, "Is this true?" This process helps you identify and discard exaggerated or overly critical thoughts. I use this one frequently when my mind starts to make up things and see the world through a self-limiting perspective.
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices help you stay present and engaged with the current moment rather than getting lost in negative thoughts. Mindfulness teaches you to observe your thoughts without judgment, which can diminish the power of negative self-talk.
Increase Your Sense of Control: Organizing your time and space can significantly boost your sense of control, quieting your internal cynic. Simple actions like sorting digital files or scheduling tasks can restore order and reduce overwhelming feelings. This can be an excellent activity for kids who feel frustrated or self-defeated. Putting something into order helps build back confidence and control. Kids might organize a bookshelf or clean out an art supply drawer.
Engage in Rituals: Rituals can be a powerful way to manage self-talk because they often combine community involvement, distraction, and a sense of control:
Community Involvement: Participating in group activities can lessen feelings of isolation and provide support.
Distraction: Rituals require focus on the steps involved, pulling your attention away from negative self-talk.
Sense of Control: Rituals, even simple personal ones, can act as a psychological placebo, giving you the belief that you have more control over your situation, which can calm your internal cynicism.
Applying These Strategies in Family Life
Model the Behavior: Use these strategies to show your children how to manage negative self-talk. For example, these techniques can be used to discuss handling a setback at work.As parents, you can use these strategies to manage negative self-talk and help your children learn to cope with theirs. We can better recognize when we are too hard on ourselves and redirect our focus to positive, constructive thoughts. Encourage kids to find beauty in the small things, to seek solutions rather than dwelling on problems, and to consider challenges as opportunities to learn.
Create Family Rituals: Develop small rituals your family can do together, like a weekend nature walk or a nightly gratitude moment.
Encourage Writing: Promote journaling as a way for your children to explore their thoughts and feelings, which can help them recognize and adjust their self-talk.
As parents, you can use these strategies to manage negative self-talk and help your children learn to cope with theirs. We can better recognize when we are too hard on ourselves and redirect our focus to positive, constructive thoughts. Encourage kids to find beauty in the small things, to seek solutions rather than dwelling on problems, and to consider challenges as opportunities to learn.
A complete list of references is available on the homepage.