We are our Habits
Effortless execution
We all want our kids to have good habits, but we don’t often get specific on how they are going to get there. Habits are like the programming code of our daily lives. They're those little routines and behaviors that we do almost without thinking. And for our children, these habits are more than just routines; they're the building blocks of their future selves.
Everything from waking up and brushing teeth to bedtime routines starts as a habit and through those habits, kids develop discipline, resilience, and a positive mindset.
These habits shape their health, their character, and even how they learn and face challenges. Habits become a toolkit for tackling school, friendships, and eventually, the wide, wide world out there. Just like a muscle, the more kids practice good habits, the stronger and more automatic these behaviors become.
To better understand habits, let me share three stories with you.
Visual Reminders
Eleven-year-old Jessica settled at her desk, ready to tackle a mixed set of ten math problems from recent lessons. On her desk, she had set up two jars – one brimming with ten marbles, the other empty. Each time she worked through a math problem, she’d shift a marble to the empty jar. This simple action became more than just a transfer of marbles; it was a tangible marker of her progress, fueling her drive to solve the next problem.
As Jessica worked through her math problems, she was engaging with a powerful tool…a visible reminder. It's a simple yet effective technique to boost engagement, especially for kids. Each marble Jessica moved symbolized not just a completed math problem but also a small victory towards her daily goals.
Imagine your child has three to five goals for the day made up of specific tasks. Fill a jar with vibrant paper clips or marbles, each representing a task. With each accomplishment, your child moves an item to the second jar.
This visual progress indicator not only tracks forward movement, but it celebrates small wins (and the brain gets a hit of the reward chemical, dopamine). As the second jar begins to fill, it becomes a physical manifestation of your child's efforts and achievements. The growing collection of paper clips or marbles in the 'completed' jar serves as a motivator, encouraging your child to keep pushing forward. It’s a clear, visual reminder of what they’ve achieved and what’s left to accomplish, making their progress tangible and their goals feel attainable.
Effortless Execution
Remember the glitter and marker chaos of childhood? My kids adored diving into their art supplies whenever the mood struck, but let's be real, the aftermath looked like a craft store explosion in our living room. The solution? We carved out a little art nook. A cozy corner with a small table became their creative hub. Yes, this helped contain the creative mess; but it also gave them a space where their imagination could run wild, anytime.
But later I wanted to downsize, so we switched it up again to an 'art kit.' Think of it as a treasure chest of creativity: glue, scissors, rainbow paper, you name it, all packed in one magical box. We kept the box in a spot where everyone could reach it. So, the moment inspiration hit, they had everything they needed right there. No more hunting for scissors under the couch!
The key is to make engaging in these positive activities as effortless as possible.
Moderating Habits Through Friction
Mia, a 10-year-old with a keen interest in video games, often found herself spending hours in front of the screen. Her parents, concerned about her excessive gaming, wanted to encourage a more balanced lifestyle without resorting to rewards or strict bans.
To introduce a subtle form of friction, they decided on a simple but effective strategy. The family computer, which Mia used for gaming, was set up in a common area of the house, but they kept the power cord in a separate, less accessible location. This meant that each time Mia wanted to play, she had to ask for the cord, plug in the computer, and set everything up.
Her parents explained that this wasn't to stop her from playing, but to help her be more mindful about her gaming time. They discussed the value of moderation and the importance of engaging in a variety of activities.
Additionally, Mia's parents created an 'Activity Menu', a list of alternative activities that Mia enjoyed or wanted to explore, like painting, biking, or reading. The idea was to make these activities more readily accessible - art supplies were kept in an easily reachable spot, her bicycle was always ready by the door, and a stack of library books was placed invitingly on her desk.
This setup subtly encouraged Mia to consider other activities that required less effort to start compared to the effort needed to set up her gaming station. Over time, Mia began to naturally gravitate towards these activities. She would often go for a bike ride or sketch in her drawing pad, reserving video game time for later in the day or for the weekends.
The key to this approach is creating friction to spark self-regulation by making gaming a little less convenient and other activities more inviting.
And then there's me, with my favorite yummy and not so healthy treats. If I have them in the house at all, I keep them out of my easy reach. If I really want it, I make an effort to get it. It's my way of moderating my indulgence.
Friendly Friction
Boundaries Build Brilliance: Think about three ways you, as a parent, can use friction to set healthy boundaries. Maybe it’s having a no-phone zone while studying or creating 'focus hours' at home where everyone engages in quiet, individual work.
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