Framing, Part 1
Why the why matters
Ever caught yourself mid-task, wondering why on earth you’re even doing it? Or perhaps you’ve noticed your children dragging their feet and you've asked, “Why aren’t you excited about your science project?”
Connecting Interests to Education
Lila felt that way, too. She loved woodworking, a place where she could chat with friends and create something beautiful and meaningful. One day, the angles on her treasure box didn’t line up. Her teacher explained that the problem was with the geometric angles she was using. "Geometry?" she thought, "That's why it matters!
" Geometry had seemed like a chore until that day in woodworking made it all make sense. The connection between the math she was learning in school and something she loved outside of school changed her feeling about the previously boring math class. Now, in geometry class she listened attentively with the intention of applying what she learned to her beloved woodworking class.
This story captures a key idea: We need to frame learning in ways that resonate with our kids. If the content seems irrelevant, we need to either reassess its place in learning or, more likely, get better at framing its value. Just like how a physical frame can transform the way we see a painting, the way we frame educational content can vastly enhance its perceived value (Allen, 2008).
That little word "why" fuels our every move.
Understanding Our "Why"
My daughter enjoys oil painting. When she was eleven, a friend of ours—an architect—asked her to paint the landscape for a World War Two memorial he was building in Normandy, France. She threw herself into the project with beautiful results. But when our friend framed it back at home in London, that's when the painting truly popped. That frame transformed a good painting into something you just can't look away from.
It’s true for learning, as well as many of the other things we do in life—it's all about how we package it. Wrap an activity in the right words, set the stage with the right tools, and spark curiosity with the right stories, and you'll see a kid's eyes light up. That's the frame we’re talking about. The backdrop we create for our kids can inspire them to dive into learning or run for the hills.
When we—or our children—understand the "why" behind our actions, a lightbulb clicks on. Research by Simon Sinek (2009) shows that when organizations and individuals start with "why," they can inspire change and motivate action. Applying this to education and parenting, if we can communicate the reasons behind our requests and rules, we cultivate motivation and purpose (Sinek, 2009).
Why Do Kids Need to Know Their "Why"?
Kids are naturally inquisitive. They want to understand the world around them, and that includes their own actions. Cognitive developmental research indicates that when children know the reasons behind their learning, they're more engaged and able to process information deeply (Ryan & Deci, 2000).
That means better retention, more creative thinking, and heightened problem-solving skills. They're not just memorizing facts for a test; they're building knowledge that connects to their interests and goals.
For example, when a child knows that practicing their instrument can lead to forming a band with friends (the "why"), those scales become a lot less tedious. Or consider homework; if they understand that it builds skills to help them achieve their dream of becoming a vet, architect, or astrophysicist suddenly those math problems aren’t so pointless. Even better, when kids understand that the homework will help them effortlessly work the register at Saturday’s bake sale, the immediacy and relevancy create motivating, engaging frames.
Brain Byte: There’s some serious neuroscience backing this up. Dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and motivation, lights up when we have clear objectives and understand the purpose behind our actions (Wise & Rompre, 1989). This neurological response is not just for adults; kids experience the same surge of feel-good chemicals when they grasp their "why."
Moreover, when we frame tasks within a larger goal, we tap into the self-determination theory (Ryan & Deci, 2000). I describe this theory with the three C’s of Choice, Connection and Competence.1 Understanding the "why" satisfies the desire for choice—it gives kids a sense of control, making them feel competent and connected to a bigger picture.
Bold Action
So, what can you do to help your child discover their "why"? Start conversations that go beyond "because I said so." Dive into discussions about interests, dreams, and how current tasks are steppingstones to larger goals. Encourage them to set personal goals and understand the paths to achieving them.
Embracing the "why" is like giving your child a compass in a world full of maps. It doesn't just tell them what routes they can take—it helps them figure out where they want to go and why they want to get there. Framing with why doesn’t just happen once. You might need to frame frequently and in different ways to keep kid motivation high.
By anchoring our children’s learning and responsibilities in meaningful "whys," we give them the ultimate power: the ability to motivate themselves.
Bold Action
Start with a clear frame that outlines the purpose and the 'why'. This is not about coercing with rewards or imposing activities with a heavy hand. It's about inspiring a genuine desire to engage.
As Simon Sinek (2017) puts it, it's not what you do or how you do it, but why you do it that inspires and drives innovation. Apply Pareto’s Principle here—focus on the 20% of the activities that will lead to 80% of the results that matter (Koch, 1999).
In the next post, we’ll learn how word choice powerfully affects the success of our framing.
A complete list of references is available on the homepage.
The Three C’s of Getting Things Done
BOLD Idea: Encourage your kids to lean into Choice, Connection, and Competence as much as possible.