“The value belongs to the one who assigns the work.” Love this! So it makes sense that letting kids choose helps them with internal motivation, but how does this apply if they have to do something they don’t want to do - like chores?
Such a great question, Sandra! We all have to do things we don't especially like to do and there's a couple of things we can do to help kids get those things done anyway. One of those is called Framing. https://boldschoolers.substack.com/p/framing
When kids understand the "why" behind the things they need to do, it gets a lot easier. If we can tie those "whys" to values they hold that's where we really get some buy-in. So, maybe kids can see the value in an organized home leading to less frustration from losing things or the value in helping mom out to make her life easier...all depending on the age and disposition of the kid. Many families ask me about when to use extrinsic reinforcement, like stickers and charts. My overall response is...as rarely as possible, but for parents that really want to use them (because they work and we sometimes just need a little immediate respite), I tell them to use them only with things NOT related to learning. I tried using extrinsic rewards with chores when my kids were little and it worked great...at first...until it didn't. Once the shiny wears off, kids aren't likely to keep stepping in to help. If, however, we work with kids from the beginning to understand that chores are just the way we do things in the family, it's more likely to become part of their identity and value system and then they show up because it's just who they are.
Wow, thanks for the great and thorough response! I love the framing suggestions on the PDF. My son is 18, that age where we can’t really tell him what to do anymore. Sometimes he’s motivated, other times he’s not, so I’ll try these to see if they get him moving a little faster. Thanks again!!!
Ah, yes...when our kids are adults...I feel ya and I certainly don't have tons of answers there! On some things, I find when I put on my consultant hat and step into their lives when invited, it works a lot better. As a consultant I can offer advice, support and options rather than being my anxious-controlling alter ego, trying to solve all their problems. Good luck!
Beautifully crafted and clear analysis, Laura. You have such a gift for dissecting complex subjects into manageable bits. And these fundamental underpinnings of learning are of vital importance.
During my years shepherding special needs kids aged 3-22 years through public and private school systems, perhaps the most common sticking points in children not progressing commensurate with their capacity to learn, was a lack of motivation. Teachers, administrators, parents and even school psychologists came to a dead halt when Motivation waned. It was as though it was this mysterious block that could not be unraveled or overcome.
I love the way you focused on the underpinnings of the 3 C’s. I hope you will keep on teaching all of us. We need to start with early childhood play choices and activities that connect children in their explorations of the workings of the world around them. Then continue these motivating practices that give children more autonomy over their discovery process throughout their school years.
Thanks so much, Marcia. We often talk about motivating someone else, but we can really only change the circumstances so that someone else might choose to motivate themselves. It's a deeply personal choice. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
“The value belongs to the one who assigns the work.” Love this! So it makes sense that letting kids choose helps them with internal motivation, but how does this apply if they have to do something they don’t want to do - like chores?
Such a great question, Sandra! We all have to do things we don't especially like to do and there's a couple of things we can do to help kids get those things done anyway. One of those is called Framing. https://boldschoolers.substack.com/p/framing
When kids understand the "why" behind the things they need to do, it gets a lot easier. If we can tie those "whys" to values they hold that's where we really get some buy-in. So, maybe kids can see the value in an organized home leading to less frustration from losing things or the value in helping mom out to make her life easier...all depending on the age and disposition of the kid. Many families ask me about when to use extrinsic reinforcement, like stickers and charts. My overall response is...as rarely as possible, but for parents that really want to use them (because they work and we sometimes just need a little immediate respite), I tell them to use them only with things NOT related to learning. I tried using extrinsic rewards with chores when my kids were little and it worked great...at first...until it didn't. Once the shiny wears off, kids aren't likely to keep stepping in to help. If, however, we work with kids from the beginning to understand that chores are just the way we do things in the family, it's more likely to become part of their identity and value system and then they show up because it's just who they are.
Wow, thanks for the great and thorough response! I love the framing suggestions on the PDF. My son is 18, that age where we can’t really tell him what to do anymore. Sometimes he’s motivated, other times he’s not, so I’ll try these to see if they get him moving a little faster. Thanks again!!!
Ah, yes...when our kids are adults...I feel ya and I certainly don't have tons of answers there! On some things, I find when I put on my consultant hat and step into their lives when invited, it works a lot better. As a consultant I can offer advice, support and options rather than being my anxious-controlling alter ego, trying to solve all their problems. Good luck!
Thank you!
Beautifully crafted and clear analysis, Laura. You have such a gift for dissecting complex subjects into manageable bits. And these fundamental underpinnings of learning are of vital importance.
During my years shepherding special needs kids aged 3-22 years through public and private school systems, perhaps the most common sticking points in children not progressing commensurate with their capacity to learn, was a lack of motivation. Teachers, administrators, parents and even school psychologists came to a dead halt when Motivation waned. It was as though it was this mysterious block that could not be unraveled or overcome.
I love the way you focused on the underpinnings of the 3 C’s. I hope you will keep on teaching all of us. We need to start with early childhood play choices and activities that connect children in their explorations of the workings of the world around them. Then continue these motivating practices that give children more autonomy over their discovery process throughout their school years.
Can’t wait to see what you have to share next!
Thanks so much, Marcia. We often talk about motivating someone else, but we can really only change the circumstances so that someone else might choose to motivate themselves. It's a deeply personal choice. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!